Saturday, June 13, 2009

Working from the bottom up.

I was pretty busy today. I was invited to the CFUH board retreat
in Reston/FoxMill area which was guided by a facilitator who
kept things on track. That may be old hat for some people but
it was a new experience for me. Their agenda was simply the
agenda being monitored.

Information bullets that would meld into a news release and
an action plan to get to the Fall board . Human information
management wiki in the processing. Content developed in
context, without the confusion afterwards the board had
their private recap meeting.

This was the second time at one of their meetings
and I quess that i am one of them myself now.
As the only Homeless person in attendance ,
as I introduced myself I mentioned that the closest
I come to a church is 12 step meetings.
This rounded out the "representation" .
That was my simple way of acknowledging my
belief in God. Not AA.

I saw a few people I met a few months ago in
the hypothermia program at this same church.
And met another person referred to back then
by a wife. A comment about my car was then
turned around on her about his "crummy watch,"
all in good fun. The more important thing was
my experience is needed.

I explained to a few people that I am not
a Homelessness advocate per se. Homelessness as
seen by me is a function of a lack of needed Affordable
Housing. Solution based versus problem based. The
meeting was percieved by me to be an unfoldment
of understanding as to just what CFUH was and is
becoming. And wanting to meld into the existing
efforts already underway. The number of charities
and non profits can overwhelm a person not knowing
what to expect. It was agreed to find out from these
other how we can help and how they can help in return.
Not wasting effort or energy if at all possible.

The guy with the "crummy" watch spends time in Richmond
working to advocate for the Homeless and Poor. I learned that
the powers that be in Richmond arent funding some basic things
specified in the multi-trillion dollar stimulus plan. If not now?
When? This just didnt make any sense. I cant ask for myself
as easy as I can for people who have or could have a chance
to avoid the wonderful experience I have been blessed with.
Thats a cynical statement to some ,,but my attempt at seeing
it a different way takes work . It doesnt come easy at times
and the absurdity of withholding funding makes zero sense to

So I will study his web site and absorb what I can and just
maybe make a contact with a member of the State Senate
that I have known for quite some time and bumped into at
the Grocery store. This would and will be a stretch for me.
Like I said, I dont ask for help nearly as well as most. The
big guy who can take care of himself is a cover up for being
scared. Depressed helps support the idea of a negative
outcome so I can be okay with inaction covered in a layer
of anxiety . If it was only recently then I would call it
procrastination and I have paid dearly in my life for that
if that is what it is. 35 or 40 years of almost but not quite.

Depression cuts you off at the first opportunity to do so.
Writing this blog is a therapuetic endeavor. If I somehow
help you then great, but I truly know that I do this for
myself. 23 years ago I wrote for 3 weeks solidly turning
out 700 handwritten pages , downloading my brain
onto paper. That in itself lifted a huge chunk of the fog
surrounding my mind. Thats when I began dealing
with suicidal thoughts in a more mature way. I knew
I was in "pain" just not how to relieve that pain.
What I knew about myself was no longer up for
interpretation by others. So what about what I know,
it ruled out what I could not do which is terminate
myself , could not see getting wasted as anything
else but suicide roulette. So no mental masturbation
about drinking or drugging.

Some like to argue differently and be taken seriously.
I enjoyed the meeting today and being taken seriously.
Even if you dont agree, as long as we are alive we
can see things and discuss them and.....get something
done for affordable housing.

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